Sunday, 21 February 2010

Norrington Table

Okay, will start off with the easiest: Teddy Hall (the most sexually active by far, or so they will have you believe). Teddy Hall's rugger buggers are usually found in Vinnies, training in the university parks or their other park:Park end on a Wednesday night. If you wear a tight enough jane norman dress then you may be lucky enough to arrive back at the Teddy Hall late gate. It is a shame the Kelly accomodation blocks aren't as nicely built as the Teddy bears. Be warned they will sleep with girls to fullfill a 'one of us must at least have sex each night' pact.

Pembroke: not much better really, although they use Kukui more as their hunting ground. More distinctive and generally surrounded by heaps of identical girls. Well endowed but again one offs - not really a bad think.

Bennets boys - oooh they are very handsome indeed. Generally these men tend to be either very smiley, the sort your mother would love but unfortunately incredibly asexual, except when drunk, but can never get more than a sloppy kiss out of them. The other types are the sex-crazed womanisers, although not as handsome. It's a toss up.

Magdalen: 2nd year men = hot stuff!

Queens= all taken, far to soppy.

Oriel: insular and a bit immature. I must admit though - brilliant for anonymous sex with no strings and no guilt. They like to talk dirty!

Hughs: constantly obsessing over one, whilst shagging their second. Defo need to take a reality check. Will find them on North Parade drowning sorrows and will emerge for bonfires (and possibly sex) on port medow.

Catz : are the SEX. Although the hottest beast has unfortunately graduated.

Jesus: too soft

Exeter: flirt with no follow through

Worcester: the college's proximity to clubs is definitely a bonus. Sweet but not sexy, (unless it is sex in the gardens - beware ducks may be present).

Univ: highly sexed - have plenty of tales though to soon tell

Merton: no idea - but are probably beasts

Annes: second years vile: shame on you if you do! third years: give up, not worth the venture up the Woodstock.

Somerville: some stunners but generally pimp out the bint - of which there are many.

New: stacked and hot property as can help you get a ball ticket. Do it. Beware: they may clap at your mound.
Revealing the sex and secrets from the ivory towers,

Yours truely